Share the love

I don't even know how to start this post. The other night, I fell asleep totally mad at Jake for a dumb fight, and awoke around 4ish in the morning. Jake was still up doing his homework(which is pretty usual around here), but he was falling asleep. I told him to rest and I would wake him up in a little while. I decided to catch up on my blogging and came across my friend Crystal's newest post. It had a picture of her crying, her husband, and her baby. The post proceeded to share that their youngest child, Sage, had passed away. I very quickly got over whatever the dumb fight was about, and needed Jake to just hold me as I cried. I was floored and have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

Crystal used to live on campus and I had gone to her house a couple of times for Relief Society mid-week activities. From the second I met her, I was impressed by her. I did not really have any friends in the ward and I instantly felt like we could really get along. One of the only times I spent with her was one day, I think I had stayed after an activity, and we talked for hours. About nothing, and everything. I remember being amazed that I was comfortable enough to tell her my deep personal feelings about getting pregnant, not being sealed, and being married young. I was so impressed with how her house was decorated, how it felt homey, how she was thrifty, crafty, open, spiritual, how she was real about stuff and how she could just act normal in front of me. I felt so comfortable in her home, around her family, and I remember that we even got together once as a family and stayed up late just watching a movie and talking all together. Very shortly after I had gotten to know her, they found a house and moved out(very quickly). I didn't even know until weeks later when someone in the ward mentioned they were gone. I was pretty saddened by this and was never able to really get in touch with her again, until this past year with facebook and blogs. You gotta love them!

Even after only really being with Crystal a handful of times, she has really influenced my life in more ways then she will ever know. These are only a few. After learning of her and her family's weight loss with weight watchers, Jake and I started and lost over 60 pounds. She was always my inspiration. She got sealed in the temple with her family and I still wait for that day to come in my life, but her family gives me hope that it will happen one day and we can all be sealed together. She turned me onto the dollar store and how wonderful it is! She would change her house for the seasons, do fun crafts and things with her kids, and make her house a comfortable place for anyone. She would never know it, but I try to do all of those things and I always have her in mind when doing it. I think, "How can I make my house as great as her's was?" I'm still trying. I have been able to read her blog and see how her family has changed since we last saw each other, and every time I read it I think, "I should do that." Her kids are great, well adjusted, happy, and they have the spirit in their home. They read the scriptures, make church covenants, and attend spiritual ceremonies like blessings and baptisms. Crystal and all of her extended family are close and they all meet together, talk about each other and support each other.

I really look up to her and I like to learn of the things that she does with her family. She is a wonderful woman, wife, and mother and I cannot stop thinking of her loss. I'll be brutally honest, it is really hard to not be sealed to your family, and when things like this happen, it just reminds me of it even more. It is hard to know that I made the decision to get married and I was aware that my child (JJ) would not be born into a sealed family. One of the options that I had to consider was adoption, and being 17 at the time, and having several scholarships to college, giving my child the blessing of being with a family that he could be sealed with was an important thing to consider. I had many, many people urge me to do that just that, and especially for the reason that the baby could be sealed to a family with a mother and a father. In the end, and with much prayer, I decided that I wanted my child to be born with HIS mother and father and that WE would be the best loving family for him. Granted, it was hard to know that we would not be sealed yet, but I felt strongly that it would happen one day. I just hope that day is sooner than later. Learning of Crystal's loss, I kept wondering if I was selfish in my choice, if I am doing all I can to help get our family to the temple, what I would do if I lost Jake, JJ, or Luke, or if it would affect Jake and his decisions.

I keep thinking of the picture on her blog, thinking of how perfect her family is, thinking of how they have been sealed together, thinking of her, and wanting to do something for her. Like I said, we only spent time together a handful of times, but I owe a lot of my sanity, and strength, and health to her and her example. I really do love her a lot, and I hope she doesn't think that I am strange and stalkerish(cause I feel like I sound like it), but I cannot stop thinking about her.
I bring all of this up because first of all it's been on my mind every hour, and secondly, I think that she could use all the prayer, love, encouragement and support that she can get. I have seen strangers posting on her blog and I was really touched. Please pray for them, and if you feel like it, post something. http://spencer-crystal5.blogspot.com/You really never know how much you can affect someone and their life. Much love, Tiff