Today my baby is 2

It's a bittersweet day.  I have known I am done having my own children for a long while.  I have accepted it.  Even been excited about it.  For some reason though, I still find today difficult.  On one hand I feel like it has been THE LONGEST two years of my life and on the other hand I think, "What has happened? Where has the time gone?" I wonder if I have even really been present and enjoyed it.  Like I said, it's been rough.  He has been by far my most  difficult baby.  Difficult toddler to date too. He's been so needy.  I've been so exhausted.  The mom guilt is heavy with this one because I wonder how much of it is him and how much of it was me struggling with depression and my own problems.  He does love us a lot though.  He loves to be held and snuggled.  Needs to be by me constantly.  Even as I type this, he came and climbed on my chair, sat behind me in the chair, then moved to on my lap, and finally ended up taking over the typing.  As soon as I tried to snag a picture to document it he puts on the sweet grin and a "Cheeeeese".

Jake had to leave early today so instead of doing a breakfast in bed for Mitt (a family tradition, usually when they are older) I took the kids out to eat at McDonald's.  Charlie had a hurt finger when there so he went to ask the workers for a band-aid and they said they were out.  A sweet old man came to me and said that as soon as he received his order he would go out to the car and bring him in a band-aid. "We can't let him have a hurt finger without a band-aid" When he came back in he offered Charlie a whole box of band-aids and a pamphlet on Jesus Christ.  We thanked him and then took a band-aid out and tried to return the box but he wouldn't take it.  He said he was sure Charlie could use it all down the road.  He went to go sit down around the corner.  I told Charlie that I wanted him to go shake that man's hand and say thank you again.  Charlie walked around the corner and then quickly came back, "I did it." I explained that there was no way that he had done it so quickly and after a few excuses he finally admitted, "There's a whole table of them

and they all have the same face!" He was referring to the fact that they all were old and he couldn't tell them apart.  We laughed so hard.  I told him that JJ would take him and help him, and before we left, they did go thank him.

Mitt has made me learn a lot about motherhood.  I got him the biggest breakfast out of anyone this morning and he still wanted to sit on my lap and take bites of mine.  I was busy the whole time dealing with children.  Drinks here, ketchup there, fork for this one, syrup, gave my half of a shared sandwich to JJ because I could tell he was still hungry.  Finally I had a chance to try to scarf down my sandwich and what was left of my hashbrown after kids had gotten ahold of it.  Mitt took the occasional small bite but as I'm ready for my last bite (my favorite) Mitt sits on my lap, and takes the entire thing (big bite for a little mouth) and shoves it in.  So big he has to shove it in with his finger to keep it from falling out.  All I could think is that's motherhood.  My birthday baby taking my last bite of the small meal that I had.  I guess I can get over it.  Then he laughs about it.  Okay, I guess that's cute.  Then after chewing for a while, he decides he doesn't want it and slowly, so everyone has to watch, he unloads the chewed up bite onto the table.  Ugh, this kid! That was my bite! Wasted.  As I wipe up the chewed up bite from the table, I realize that's real motherhood.  That's the type of stuff they'll never understand until way later down the road.  They might not even understand it eventually. I still do it anyway.  The goal is to do it with a smile on my face. Ha!

I sat there thinking all of this, thinking I should write a blog post to capture it all.  I always want to, the trick is actually doing it.  My mind goes on and on.  I could make a whole poem about motherhood.  I could write a parody of If you give a mouse a cookie but something like If you take your birthday baby to McDonald's.  That would be great! The reality? I rush in here to try to type, I get climbed on, bombarded, head butted by an angry 2 year old, have to fight for the keyboard, and barely get out a boring blog post not at all creative like I wanted it to be.  But it's done.  That's motherhood.